habit #5: seek first to understand, then to be understood

by Stephen R. Covey

People tend to filter the information they receive through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives, or projecting their own home movies onto other people's behavior.
When another person is speaking, we usually "listen" at one of four levels: ignoring, pretending, selective listening, or attentive listening. We should be using the fifth, highest form of listening - empathic listening.
Active or reflective listening is skill-based and often insults the speaker.
Empathic listening is listening with intent to understand the other person's frame of reference and feelings. You must listen with your ears, your eyes and your heart.
Empathic listening is a tremendous deposit into the emotional bank account. It's deeply therapeutic and healing because it gives a person "psychological air."

mendengar- nampak mcm mudah tapi tak banyak yg sedar bukan mudah utk jadi pendengar yg baik..menurut buku best-seller ni, banyak org yg mendengar dan cuba menyamakan cerita yg didengar dgn pengalaman hidup sendiri tanpa cuba benar-benar mendigest apa yg cuba disampaikan. untuk mendapat gambaran, Dr Covey ada bagi contoh dialog antara ayah dan anak, tapi kat blog ni cuba dimodifikasi sesuai environment.

contoh 1

student A: aku tak boleh jawab la paper td. aku tak belajar

student B: o ye ke? eh, aku pun. siyes tak bleh jawab.. mesti ko pun study last minute eh..

A: err..aku blajar tapi takleh fokus

B: hehe. lebih kurang la. tu la aku ni, leka baca blog. tp buku depan mata..eh jap. yg no 12 td jawab ape eh. aku rase E

A: tak ingat la jwapan..

contoh 2

A: aku tak boleh jawab la paper td. aku tak belajar

B: o ye ke? (aku pun. tp cuba jd a gud listener dlu) btol2 x boleh ke? cmne bleh tak belajar?

A: mlm td aku sj sadari. mcm ada sthg la. aku takut gel smpi x leh focus..kot malignant ke..

B: insyaAllah ok.. petang ni aku teman g klinik k?

A: ok

B: A, sbnanrnya td aku pun tak boleh jwb jugak. last minute study. leka baca blog la..

A: o ye? next paper try limit surfing k

dalam contoh ni A ada problem tp sgt tak sure cmne nak bgtau B. dlm contoh 1, A tak diberi peluang sebagai org yg bercerita dan B malah membawa fokus perbualan mengikut kehendaknya. contoh2 pula B hampir menyampuk tp berjaya filter utk mendengar. lalu ter'reveal la apa yg A fikirkan. sbb problem ni agak private (especially to those who keep everything to him/herself).. al-hasil, ada 'komensalism' bila B akan teman A g cek, A gives a piece of advice to B.. manfaat dr mendengar kdg2 lebih banyak dari apa yg kita jangka..